Leaving a team

I have a question..,has anyone had a coach that you felt was unfair to certain players? Any coaching horror stories? I'm just trying to see if I'm overreacting with our current situation. Please, no names. I don't want to bash anyone. I'm just really irritated right now.

"Unfair" in what way? Is he incorrect in his assessments or is he simply on your DD's back more than the others?

non-paying starters not subjected to the same discipline as the paying bench sitters

signing players (for the money) then not giving them attention in practice or meaningful opportunities in games or scrimmages

mom bribes coach to play her kid over yours, and both play the same position

coach immediately pulls your kid from the game for a mistake that others make without consequence

coach expects parents to pay travel expenses for non-paying players

coach promises equitable playing time to get you to share out-of-town tournament expenses then never allows your kid to step onto the field... over Thanksgiving weekend

Is this what you had in mind?  (all true, by the way... same coach)  There is no "fair" in select soccer - other than a fair shoulder charge.

Take your rec release and go! If you owe a balance to the team/club well I will leave that up,to the individual to pay or not to pay.

If all is true, there is no way my dd would be a part of that.

original poster, 1971, asked for horror stories so I gave one. He/she still has not elaborated. Must have been rhetorical and blowing off steam.

On top of the inequitable play time situations described above, I've seen a coach consistently berate players based on physical build (i.e. heavy players were called demeaning terms, etc...). I know of a coach who hit the sauce on a regular basis. The news even reported of a soccer coach who was a sexual predator. All these folks are the minority. The majority of well known competitive coaches are good folks who work for and value their good reputation.

If you feel that there is actual animosity toward your daughter, don't leave . . . run and get your rec release. There are better places to play.

Now another scenario that I've seen: a lower skilled player getting rostered on a team that is above/beyond her skill level. Why this happens: insistent parents or greedy coaches . . . you take the choice.

If you feel your player does not have the athleticism or skill of her team mates, look for a team where her skill level matches. They only way a player will truely grow in this game is with play time on the field. Find a team and coach where she will get that.

Mia Hamster wrote:Now another scenario that I've seen:  a lower skilled player getting rostered on a team that is above/beyond her skill level.  Why this happens:  insistent parents or greedy coaches . . . you take the choice.

If you feel your player does not have the athleticism or skill of her team mates, look for a team where her skill level matches.  They only way a player will truely grow in this game is with play time on the field.  Find a team and coach where she will get that.

I agree with this.. but you 1st have to ask yourself if you overshot your DD’s skill.  A lot of parents can’t see without the rose colored glasses and acknowledge their DD has/continues to struggle.  It’s always a conspiracy.. the player(s) my DD is competing with for time is the coach’s neighbor or niece, another coaches kid, the team managers daughter or being favored because of _____.  Be honest and that will eliminate a lot of questions.

If your DD is on par w/the team as a whole, then examine the coach's behavior/ your DD's development & ask if this still is or ever was the best place for her.  Are the others running circles around her @ practice and during games?  Is the coach trustworthy & capable of developing your DD?  If not, both are signs that changes are needed.

If/when you come to the conclusion it's time to go, focus on the right fit vs most successful team with a spot available.

First and foremost, talk to your DD and ask her how she feels about her play and how she fits with the team. Then ask her how she feels her coach is doing and whether she feels the coach is fair to everyone. Ask her if she feels she is learning and improving. Ask her if she likes the team. Although it might be too late, try not to color the questions with your own bias. It doesn't matter what you think, it only matters what she thinks. If she answers the questions positively then you should let her stay. If she answers the questions with any negatives, then consider leaving and as others have said, take the rec release and put her with a skills coach for now. But if you do decide to move her, make it a positive action and not a negative. I ask you to do this because a) you don't want to make your DD feel as if she has somehow failed; and b) the soccer community is really a small one at the end of the day. You don't want acrimony following your DD through the rest of her soccer days. Take a page from all the advice columns on leaving a job. Don't burn your bridges - regardless of how you feel about the coach. Don't bad mouth the former coach to the new coach. (Just like a potential employer, they will inevitably think that if you can badmouth your former employer, you would do the same about them.)

When the season starts next year, take her to several teams and watch her practice with them. Notice how she acts with the other players. See how the coach works with her and the team. And, most importantly, don't just go once, go several times. Ask each coach for an evaluation - things she does well and things she can improve. Take notes from those meetings. Create a rating sheet for the team with your notes and your DD's as well as the coach's assessment. Finally, choose your top two or three. Don't just count on one team to sign her. Coaches can (and do) change their minds - even at the last minute. Your DD could be the best candidate around, but if the sister of a former player comes out at the last minute, friendship could win the day. So keep the options open - but make sure your DD doesn't go to the tryouts with a lackluster approach.

Hope this helps.

rturner1971 wrote:I have a question..,has anyone had a coach that you felt was unfair to certain players? Any coaching horror stories? I'm just trying to see if I'm overreacting with our current situation. Please, no names. I don't want to bash anyone. I'm just really irritated right now.

Get a release and move on! IMO... Stop delaying the inevitable.