In need of advice

I'm a lurker and need help with a touchy subject.

A certain team with a very good reputation has a newcomer player with great skills and a pain in the @$$ parent. This individual has a reputation everywhere he goes of coaching hard from the sidelines. The kid, although a good player, refuses to pass and hugs the ball. Our team has been together for years and worked hard to learn to pass and be a TEAM. This parent screams loud from the sidelines, tells his kid exactly what to do, tells the other kids where to go and seriously believes he's the coach. He even dresses as a coach. He sermons the other parents that would listen about his "knowledge" of soccer, as if the rest of us have never played the game and live under a rock.
Some of the parents know him from when they were together with the Texans and avoid him like the plague. They played for Solar and were asked to leave because the parent is just to much to handle.
The list goes on and on. We don't want to go through this "cancer" for the lack of a better word.
Should the rest of the parents let the coach handle it? Because the coach is clearly annoyed. Or should we buy him a cup of shut the F#$% up?
Suggestions please.

Coach should have first crack at it. I think if the kid were to suddenly only get a few minutes of playing time each half the parent would move on.

If that doesn't work a beat down behind the concession stand would suffice...

Let the coach handle it... I know EXACTLY who you are talking about (or at the least the type and a parent/DD combo that fits the description). I would suggest that the cancer be excised as soon as possible. Kid has talent, but not team play there.

Nooneaskedmebut wrote: I'm a lurker and need help with a touchy subject.

A certain team with a very good reputation has a newcomer player with great skills and a pain in the @$$ parent. This individual has a reputation everywhere he goes of coaching hard from the sidelines. The kid, although a good player, refuses to pass and hugs the ball. Our team has been together for years and worked hard to learn to pass and be a TEAM. This parent screams loud from the sidelines, tells his kid exactly what to do, tells the other kids where to go and seriously believes he's the coach. He even dresses as a coach. He sermons the other parents that would listen about his "knowledge" of soccer, as if the rest of us have never played the game and live under a rock.
Some of the parents know him from when they were together with the Texans and avoid him like the plague. They played for Solar and were asked to leave because the parent is just to much to handle.
The list goes on and on. We don't want to go through this "cancer" for the lack of a better word.
Should the rest of the parents let the coach handle it? Because the coach is clearly annoyed. Or should we buy him a cup of shut the F#$% up?
Suggestions please.

I know exactly who you are talking about and I agree wholeheartedly with you.

I think the only thing that can fix this is the coach speaking to the father. Maybe the manager but from past experience that didn't do anything either. The problem her previous team coach didn't stop it and even fueled the fire so to speak.

I can say this the one time he said something to my dd I did tell him not to tell her what to do as that was her coaches job and I was paying her coach and not him. I made sure to say this with dh right there. Needless to say he never said another word to my dd while she was on the field.

jen_nah wrote:

Nooneaskedmebut wrote: I'm a lurker and need help with a touchy subject.

A certain team with a very good reputation has a newcomer player with great skills and a pain in the @$$ parent. This individual has a reputation everywhere he goes of coaching hard from the sidelines. The kid, although a good player, refuses to pass and hugs the ball. Our team has been together for years and worked hard to learn to pass and be a TEAM. This parent screams loud from the sidelines, tells his kid exactly what to do, tells the other kids where to go and seriously believes he's the coach. He even dresses as a coach. He sermons the other parents that would listen about his "knowledge" of soccer, as if the rest of us have never played the game and live under a rock.
Some of the parents know him from when they were together with the Texans and avoid him like the plague. They played for Solar and were asked to leave because the parent is just to much to handle.
The list goes on and on. We don't want to go through this "cancer" for the lack of a better word.
Should the rest of the parents let the coach handle it? Because the coach is clearly annoyed. Or should we buy him a cup of shut the F#$% up?
Suggestions please.

I know exactly who you are talking about and I agree wholeheartedly with you.

I think the only thing that can fix this is the coach speaking to the father. Maybe the manager but from past experience that didn't do anything either. The problem her previous team coach didn't stop it and even fueled the fire so to speak.

I can say this the one time he said something to my dd I did tell him not to tell her what to do as that was her coaches job and I was paying her coach and not him. I made sure to say this with dh right there. Needless to say he never said another word to my dd while she was on the field.

+1

Coach should address his coaching to his kid. Parents should tell him to shut up the first time he instructs other kids. Please note coach is on the other side and may not aware.

The coach needs first crack, but this guy would hear from me immediately the first (and last) time he instructed one of mine. If the first post is accurate, I'd also be asking the coach why he plans to sign them. July 1 and you're in for a year.

I've never seen a single player good enough to make a miserable sideline worth it. I have seen a single cancerous parent implode a good team. Best of luck.

I think the coach already told the kid to tell dad that she'll be out if he doesn't stop doing the coaching.
Signing day is here and would hate to be stuck with somebody like that for a whole year. Worst than a bad marriage. Will be interesting to see if it has any effect for the next games. This team is top ten material and nobody is bigger than the team. The parent chemistry is very good and this kid is already dictating the other girls what to do and how to play.

jen_nah wrote:

Nooneaskedmebut wrote: I'm a lurker and need help with a touchy subject.

A certain team with a very good reputation has a newcomer player with great skills and a pain in the @$$ parent. This individual has a reputation everywhere he goes of coaching hard from the sidelines. The kid, although a good player, refuses to pass and hugs the ball. Our team has been together for years and worked hard to learn to pass and be a TEAM. This parent screams loud from the sidelines, tells his kid exactly what to do, tells the other kids where to go and seriously believes he's the coach. He even dresses as a coach. He sermons the other parents that would listen about his "knowledge" of soccer, as if the rest of us have never played the game and live under a rock.
Some of the parents know him from when they were together with the Texans and avoid him like the plague. They played for Solar and were asked to leave because the parent is just to much to handle.
The list goes on and on. We don't want to go through this "cancer" for the lack of a better word.
Should the rest of the parents let the coach handle it? Because the coach is clearly annoyed. Or should we buy him a cup of shut the F#$% up?
Suggestions please.

I know exactly who you are talking about and I agree wholeheartedly with you.

I think the only thing that can fix this is the coach speaking to the father. Maybe the manager but from past experience that didn't do anything either. The problem her previous team coach didn't stop it and even fueled the fire so to speak.

I can say this the one time he said something to my dd I did tell him not to tell her what to do as that was her coaches job and I was paying her coach and not him. I made sure to say this with dh right there. Needless to say he never said another word to my dd while she was on the field.

Who is dh?

You could be describing multiple parents from the celtics sideline vs andro from what I saw this weekend! WOW!

mcik17 wrote:

jen_nah wrote:

Nooneaskedmebut wrote: I'm a lurker and need help with a touchy subject.

A certain team with a very good reputation has a newcomer player with great skills and a pain in the @$$ parent. This individual has a reputation everywhere he goes of coaching hard from the sidelines. The kid, although a good player, refuses to pass and hugs the ball. Our team has been together for years and worked hard to learn to pass and be a TEAM. This parent screams loud from the sidelines, tells his kid exactly what to do, tells the other kids where to go and seriously believes he's the coach. He even dresses as a coach. He sermons the other parents that would listen about his "knowledge" of soccer, as if the rest of us have never played the game and live under a rock.
Some of the parents know him from when they were together with the Texans and avoid him like the plague. They played for Solar and were asked to leave because the parent is just to much to handle.
The list goes on and on. We don't want to go through this "cancer" for the lack of a better word.
Should the rest of the parents let the coach handle it? Because the coach is clearly annoyed. Or should we buy him a cup of shut the F#$% up?
Suggestions please.

I know exactly who you are talking about and I agree wholeheartedly with you.

I think the only thing that can fix this is the coach speaking to the father. Maybe the manager but from past experience that didn't do anything either. The problem her previous team coach didn't stop it and even fueled the fire so to speak.

I can say this the one time he said something to my dd I did tell him not to tell her what to do as that was her coaches job and I was paying her coach and not him. I made sure to say this with dh right there. Needless to say he never said another word to my dd while she was on the field.

Who is dh?

Daryl Hannah. Popular actress from the 90's. Play the mermaid in Splash with Tom Hanks.

may be a good fit here. come on over

Gunner9 wrote:The coach needs first crack, but this guy would hear from me immediately the first (and last) time he instructed one of mine. If the first post is accurate, I'd also be asking the coach why he plans to sign them. July 1 and you're in for a year.

I've never seen a single player good enough to make a miserable sideline worth it. I have seen a single cancerous parent implode a good team. Best of luck.

I agree with this post, but it sounds like the kid is spreading the same cancer as the dad. In a case like that, I recommend that a group of the parents go to the coach and tell him/her that they will consider their options if the new player and her dad are part of the team next week. This happens more than one might suspect. It's not a matter of telling the coach how to run the team. It's more about letting the coach know that integrity, chemistry, and comaraderie are far more important than winning an extra game or two with a butthead player on the field and a fulltime jacka$$ on the sideline. The parents are the ones paying for the product. They deserve the right to be happy with it. And who knows? The PitA dad may one day learn to play well with others. But probably not.

Cheers!

Hoping Jacko reads this and either backs off or leaves.

mcik17 wrote:

jen_nah wrote:

Nooneaskedmebut wrote: I'm a lurker and need help with a touchy subject.

A certain team with a very good reputation has a newcomer player with great skills and a pain in the @$$ parent. This individual has a reputation everywhere he goes of coaching hard from the sidelines. The kid, although a good player, refuses to pass and hugs the ball. Our team has been together for years and worked hard to learn to pass and be a TEAM. This parent screams loud from the sidelines, tells his kid exactly what to do, tells the other kids where to go and seriously believes he's the coach. He even dresses as a coach. He sermons the other parents that would listen about his "knowledge" of soccer, as if the rest of us have never played the game and live under a rock.
Some of the parents know him from when they were together with the Texans and avoid him like the plague. They played for Solar and were asked to leave because the parent is just to much to handle.
The list goes on and on. We don't want to go through this "cancer" for the lack of a better word.
Should the rest of the parents let the coach handle it? Because the coach is clearly annoyed. Or should we buy him a cup of shut the F#$% up?
Suggestions please.

I know exactly who you are talking about and I agree wholeheartedly with you.

I think the only thing that can fix this is the coach speaking to the father. Maybe the manager but from past experience that didn't do anything either. The problem her previous team coach didn't stop it and even fueled the fire so to speak.

I can say this the one time he said something to my dd I did tell him not to tell her what to do as that was her coaches job and I was paying her coach and not him. I made sure to say this with dh right there. Needless to say he never said another word to my dd while she was on the field.

Who is dh?

Dh= dear husband is the usual accoroynm but I am sure dear can be substuted for other words that start with the letter "d".

all i can say is all teams have a little of this, but if it is as bad as you describe; who is the cart and who is the horse? if the coach has an issue, don't offer a contract - it's cutting time. if your team has 13 or 14 then get some ear muffs.

but definitely - once the team "makes", the club and the coach needs to shut it down. sideline coaching from know it all dads is the worst. dads role is pay the bill and stfu.

personally, i don't have this problem because i don't know jack about soccer. every time i yell "boot it biggins" all the the other parents just give me that "dude, really?" look and i shut up.

Nooneaskedmebut wrote:

Names Removed

Cheers!

Hoping Jacko reads this and either backs off or leaves.

I hope you reconsider throwing out a 10 year old girls name out on the internet/forum. Not cool, even if you don't like them.

Nooneaskedmebut wrote: I'm a lurker and need help with a touchy subject.

A certain team with a very good reputation has a newcomer player with great skills and a pain in the @$$ parent. This individual has a reputation everywhere he goes of coaching hard from the sidelines. The kid, although a good player, refuses to pass and hugs the ball. Our team has been together for years and worked hard to learn to pass and be a TEAM. This parent screams loud from the sidelines, tells his kid exactly what to do, tells the other kids where to go and seriously believes he's the coach. He even dresses as a coach. He sermons the other parents that would listen about his "knowledge" of soccer, as if the rest of us have never played the game and live under a rock.
Some of the parents know him from when they were together with the Texans and avoid him like the plague. They played for Solar and were asked to leave because the parent is just to much to handle.
The list goes on and on. We don't want to go through this "cancer" for the lack of a better word.
Should the rest of the parents let the coach handle it? Because the coach is clearly annoyed. Or should we buy him a cup of shut the F#$% up?
Suggestions please.

Why ask for advice (which you got, and was good... let the coach handle it) if you are just going to throw caution to the wind and just start calling girls out by name.

I'd be more worried about parents like YOU...

Terribly sorry about that. My bad.

Nooneaskedmebut wrote: Terribly sorry about that. My bad.

Then show a little class and edit/remove her name.

I would hate to be on your team... Piss you off and next thing you know and your DD's name shows up in this forum. If its not a big deal to you then go ahead and post your daughters name on here.

Didn't think you would.

The advice that was given, to let the coach address this issue, is the correct path. The parents shouldn't be forced to manage this situation themselves. You're not being paid to work as a security guard. (Nothing will implode a team faster than a uTube video with parents from the same team getting into a fistfight in the parking lot after a game.)

The real problem, from my perspective, isn't convincing the coach to talk to the dad but actually getting the dad to permanently stop. If he's spent the past 8 years of his life acting like that on the sideline during games… well… Good luck breaking that habit in 2 weeks!

Coaching during games should only happen from the coaches' sideline. If this dad has the experience and will be coaching regardless, suggest to your team's head coach that this dad should be invited to volunteer as an assistant coach. Then INSIST that the dad stay on the coach's sideline. What would your coach's response be to that suggestion?

02Dad wrote:

Nooneaskedmebut wrote:

Names Removed

Cheers!

Hoping Jacko reads this and either backs off or leaves.

I hope you reconsider throwing out a 10 year old girls name out on the internet/forum. Not cool, even if you don't like them.

Your antics are giving Sting Rezaie a bad name.

If he is yelling at all the kids, call a coach AND parent meeting and air it out this week before signing day. The reality is it won't stop all the way but maybe it will be reduced by 50%. If you look to coach alone, you might find out your coach don't have the backbone you wish he did and then you are stuck for a year. If coach knows he has the backing of 90% of the parents, he may be firmer with the maniac.

Xara wrote:

Gunner9 wrote:The coach needs first crack, but this guy would hear from me immediately the first (and last) time he instructed one of mine. If the first post is accurate, I'd also be asking the coach why he plans to sign them. July 1 and you're in for a year.

I've never seen a single player good enough to make a miserable sideline worth it. I have seen a single cancerous parent implode a good team. Best of luck.

I agree with this post, but it sounds like the kid is spreading the same cancer as the dad. In a case like that, I recommend that a group of the parents go to the coach and tell him/her that they will consider their options if the new player and her dad are part of the team next week. This happens more than one might suspect. It's not a matter of telling the coach how to run the team. It's more about letting the coach know that integrity, chemistry, and comaraderie are far more important than winning an extra game or two with a butthead player on the field and a fulltime jacka$$ on the sideline. The parents are the ones paying for the product. They deserve the right to be happy with it. And who knows? The PitA dad may one day learn to play well with others. But probably not.

I wouldn't worry about the 10 years old. If coach asks her to start passing, she will. Otherwise, the coach is the problem.

driftingwolf wrote:

Xara wrote:

Gunner9 wrote:The coach needs first crack, but this guy would hear from me immediately the first (and last) time he instructed one of mine. If the first post is accurate, I'd also be asking the coach why he plans to sign them. July 1 and you're in for a year.

I've never seen a single player good enough to make a miserable sideline worth it. I have seen a single cancerous parent implode a good team. Best of luck.

I agree with this post, but it sounds like the kid is spreading the same cancer as the dad. In a case like that, I recommend that a group of the parents go to the coach and tell him/her that they will consider their options if the new player and her dad are part of the team next week. This happens more than one might suspect. It's not a matter of telling the coach how to run the team. It's more about letting the coach know that integrity, chemistry, and comaraderie are far more important than winning an extra game or two with a butthead player on the field and a fulltime jacka$$ on the sideline. The parents are the ones paying for the product. They deserve the right to be happy with it. And who knows? The PitA dad may one day learn to play well with others. But probably not.

I wouldn't worry about the 10 years old. If coach asks her to start passing, she will. Otherwise, the coach is the problem.

I agree that the coaches lack of action is the bigger problem.

The coach should have addressed it with the parent and child to put a stop to it already or they are implicitly condoning the actions.

The coach may not want to risk losing the player, and plan on addressing and changing the parent and child behavior AFTER signing, but that is not fair to the parent and child as they could easily view that as changing the rules after signing and lead to a bad situation.

The coach needs to address it now and let them make their decision to change behavior or move on PRIOR to signing.